“In this social climate, I feel it is almost impossible to know the difference between innate and learned instincts. Did I find boys repulsive when I was a child because I was born a Lesbian, or because I found boys’ behavior despicable, inexplicable, and the opposite of what I wanted to experience? Do men continue to frighten and off-put me to this day because I am innately attracted to women, or because men as a general group are some scary freaks? It’s impossible for me to know for sure, because I’ve been trained (as all women are) to doubt my own feelings and I think some women never doubt these things about themselves.”—Joy
“It’s fairly disheartening – though by no means surprising — that porn use is a given, and that all that’s left to discuss is which version of commodified sexuality one consumes, how degrading it is, and whether one partner can emotionally withstand knowing what forms of dehumanization the other finds orgasmic. We can simply no longer imagine a sexuality, apparently, that transcends scripts dictated to us by an industry that banks on fulfilling (and manipulating) male desires to the detriment of women’s humanity. But let’s not discuss that and what it might mean for our sex lives and our emotional development as human beings. That shit wouldn’t give anyone a boner.”—Nine Deuce (via octagon-surgeon)
So stop giving props to the patriarchy, and give yourself the gift of saying fuck, no. If it gets too uncomfortable, you can always go back to compliance. But you might find that rebellion is a really good feeling, and you can sneak small actions in under the radar. Besides, every time you do, it gets easier for some other woman to do the same thing.
PS: This patriarchal behavior bullshit is not your fault. It is not our fault, as women, either. I’m not blaming you, or me, or us. We didn’t get ourselves into this situation. But as much as possible, even a tiny little bit at a time, we need to get out.
In the grander scheme of patriarchy, individual actions don’t really matter, but at the same time, they do. Every time we submit, every time we conform, we are reinforcing the submission and conformity. Even in small, subtle actions like shaving our legs, or dyeing the grey out of our hair, or hiding our true feelings, or neglecting to pick up the pencil to just write without caring what anyone thinks.
Every time we do these things, a bit of ourselves dies. That might sound melodramatic, but it’s true: the more we strangle ourselves, the more we wither, and the further we stay closed off from an authentic aspect of ourselves as human beings.
“At the moment I hear many women not wanting to be dismissed as man haters, dismissed as lesbians, dismissed as uneducated, dismissed, dismissed, dismissed. They want to be taken seriously. They want to be heard by the larger society. Well guess what? You’re female in this society and no matter how anti-lesbian, academically well written, or man apologetic you are, you WILL NOT be taken seriously! Ever! That’s why we are all here. A much more effective way of making change is to build solidarity with other women because there is strength and power in our numbers.”—yttik
“I wonder if some doctors have lost all sense of what qualifies as hirsuitism because so many of their patients remove so much “excess” body hair that they think the average patient naturally has a lot less than is the case.”—fireaphid
“A commitment to sexual equality with males is a commitment to becoming the rich instead of the poor, the rapist instead of the raped, the murderer instead of the murdered.”—Andrea Dworkin (via charlottesirolli)
“The principle underlying all seasoning—how you get this effect, how you reach this goal of getting women to believe that our salvation depends on someone else’s behavior — is that you get someone to do everything in relation to someone else who they perceive as more powerful; you get them always to consult an image of someone else in their minds, to say to themselves — to say to ourselves as women, for instance—“Now, how will the men respond to that?” every time we make a decision, or “If we do this, what will they do?” Always to be relational, to consult the masters of our psyches every time — this is bondage.”—Sonia Johnson “Taking Our Eyes Off The Guys” 1990. (via anarchistsoup)
“Look, if posing naked were empowering, then the rich men who run the world would be lining up for it. We would be awash in naked dick shots of Warren Buffet and Bill Gates and Barack Obama; magazines would be filled with male politicians and financiers and moguls with their bits hanging out. Softly lit, perhaps; head coyly tilted, bunny tail on the ass. Power.”—http://www.reclusiveleftist.com (via endporn)
“The withdrawal of free labor and energy, would slow men down considerably. They’d have to take care of their own laundry, shopping cooking caretaking… women just wouldn’t be there for them. They’d then be doing double duty at home and at work…. Stop marrying men, stop dating them, stop aiding and abetting them women. It’s really not that hard at all in western countries. Not that hard at all.”—SheilaG in a comment on Ongoing, To Far by FCM